To Elder Paul Freeman, dated October 30, 2007Dear Elder Sweetie,
Hey. It’s funny how I make a whole list of things I think I’m going to tell you when I write, and then when I sit down to write, it all shoots out the window.
I did really want to tell you that the camera is cool. Have fun with it, but use it to supplement your journal/personal history, not replace it. Also, don’t become a tourist missionary. I know you know better than that, especially after your experience with the type in Samoa, but, I’m the mom so I get to nag on ya just a bit. You’d think I was slacking off if I didn’t tell you something you didn’t already know at least once a month, neh?
One of the things I’ve been forgetting to tell you for a couple of weeks now is that Dad got a new pet. He hasn’t named her yet, as he says it’s bad luck to name a baby banana tree until after the cold season, especially if she’s only two feet high.
She has a nice comfy little spot by the back fence, however. We went looking for sod to cover up the gaping hole they made in the lawn when they fixed the leak in our water line. He saw some really humongous trees, but he said he didn’t want anything that had leaves taller than he was, so we took a pass on those. Besides which, the $350 was a bit exorbitant. He looked at some medium trees, but then he saw that poor little baby tree and just couldn’t leave her behind. (Think ‘Charlie Brown’s Christmas’ and you’ve got the right idea.)
She suffered from being left in the car while we went into Kroger, I’m afraid. Two of her three leaves got somewhat steamed, but Dad just cut off the bad parts and she’s not the worse for wear. Her fourth leaf was just coming out, starting to unfurl when we adopted her, and now she has the beginning of a fifth starting to shoot up.
When we brought her home, I went into the house to put the groceries away and stuff, and Dad came in and said, um, could you help me out here? I went out there and he had chopped down half of one of the end bush out by the fence to make room for the banana tree. (Yes, she really should have gone where the holly bushes are, but you didn’t take them out, and Dad and I had trouble enough dealing with the laurel out back). Dad hacked away at the trunks and branches and stuff with the machete and I broke the stuff down further. We filled up two big trash cans with the refuse, tightly packed because I was doing it, and still have a pile of logs out by the compost. I’m not sure what Dad’s going to do with them. We seem to be collecting that sort of thing at the moment.
Now, he tends her quite lovingly. We bought some dirt and peat that he’s mulched her with and she’s got a nice big trough going all around her that Dad fills with water now and again. I’m afraid the hole wasn’t as big as we would have liked as Dad was digging it after he chopped down the bush, and between the clay and the roots, it was next to impossible.
Speaking of roots, our next-door neighbor has started trying to dig post holes for the fence, but I’m afraid it isn’t going so well. There are so many roots and stuff, it’s really difficult to do. Dad says that some of the trees need to come out, and I’m afraid I have to agree with him. Unfortunately, most of the trees that need to come out are on their side of the fence, so it’s not as simple a solution as one would think.
It will be interesting to see how it all shakes out. I feel like we should be helping them somehow, but how is the question. I think we’ll end up halving the materials or something. It’s kind of a dicey business. But, last Saturday while Dad was out tending the banana tree, it got dark and way past dinnertime and I had to go fetch him. He was yammering over the fence with the neighbors, so that’s a good sign. Your dad does the weirdest things sometimes.
Oh!!! I can’t believe I didn’t lead off with this. Adam got his BIG promotion. I don’t know if you were here when he first got wind of it or not. If you were, forgive the repetition, but Jim (the CFO) took just him out for lunch one day and said they were going to need a materials manager pretty soon. Adam said, ‘when do I start?’ Jim told him he just needed to clear it with the higher-ups.
So, today Jim snagged him as he passed and said he got the job. He starts in his new official capacity on January 8th or something. They haven’t negotiated anything yet (such as job title, salary and his own office, etc), but it’s a major, major coupe for him. He’ll be reporting directly to the global Operations Manager who reports directly to T---’s CEO. His title will be something like materials manager or some such. We’re all hoping that he’ll get an office because he really needs one. It’s just too chaotic in the cubical pit. I’ve got visions of them helping to pay for his master’s degree. That would be really cool.
Did I ever mention that he’s got Dallas talked into biomedical mechanical engineering? He’s going to design the joints for Adam to distribute. That totally shocked me to hear because I had said something along those lines in passing (such as, medicine is where the money is), and he never betrayed any interest. But, it’s very like him to listen to Adam, so that’s good.
. . . Conference was so incredible for me — for us. I have been going to the temple once a week and I think that really prepared us to hear the voice of the Lord. I know Heavenly Father spoke to me through the mouths of his prophets. Since then, . . . everything has been a lot calmer. I just can’t seem to work up a snit about anything. There are causes for concern a’plenty, but I always get peace and reassurance. Heavenly Father tells me, ‘Be still and know that I am God,’ when I go to the temple, and so, as you can imagine, I do what I can to get there as often as possible.
I even got up and bore my testimony on Sunday (we have stake conference next week), and President T--- was on the stand. I was nervous as all get-out, especially because when I consider Heavenly Father working through his servants to bless our family, President T--- is right up there at the head of the list and I had to say so. I felt kind of goofy, but out it came anyway. He smiled at me and mouthed ‘thank you’ as I scuttled back down to my seat, so I’m thinking I didn’t make too big of a fool of myself.
Did I ever tell you that they created a new ward? They called it G---, so I’m thinking that they must have taken some of the K--- ward as well as some of one of T--- wards to make it. That’s ten wards in our stake now, and it’s a bit of a concern. I’m worried that they’ll split the stake north/south, which will put us in something other than President T---’s stake. That would make me sad.
We’ll be moving to the 2:30 block in January. Ugh. But, the good thing is, I’m hoping that will make it easier to get to choir practice. Since the T--- moved into their new house in the S--- ward, Sister L--- and Sister P--- have been rattling my cage about getting back to choir. I promised Sister Lyon I would when we changed to the new schedule, but I know I really should now. I know. It’s all a matter of faith, neh?
Speaking of Sister P---, did I mention that she’s my visiting teaching companion? We decided today that we’re going to go four-wheeling down the dirt road into the forest because we want to see how the construction is coming along for the bridge at T---. That’s going to be fun. Sister P--- has her own dirt bike, but we decided an ATV would be wiser if I was tagging along.
The thing that I’ve been most wanting to relate to you is a bit different than all of the above. Actually, it’s two things.
First, I’ve been trying to strengthen my obedience in keeping the commandments. Victor said something once about prayer that has stuck with me ever since and makes a lot of sense to me. He said true prayer is all about heeding the Spirit’s promptings about what to pray for. So, it’s listening as well as speaking.
Also, it’s always strengthened me and made my prayers more meaningful when I consider my Heavenly Father sitting on the bed beside me as I kneel to pray. Often, I have pondered exactly what ‘in the name of Jesus Christ’ meant to me. When I approach my Heavenly Father in prayer, do I get through the door because Christ opened it? Or am I saying, Christ sent me? These thoughts have rattled around in my head, but I could never quite get the confirmation I needed. Then, the other day, as I knelt to pray, I thought, to me, it means Christ kneeling beside me, Him saying to Father, ‘Here is my sister. Hear her, I pray.’
Darlin’, that prayer was the sweetest, most profound experience I have ever had in all my attempts to grow more near to my Father. My love for my Savior overran me as I felt that conduit to heaven open up to me. I felt as if my Father laid His hand upon my head as I spoke, as I wept, and my surety of the Atonement, of my Savior’s love and sacrifice for me filled me up to bursting. I did not want to cease praying. I could not. One entreaty led to another and then another, and I understood Enos as I had never done before. With each exchange, for surely, they were exchanges between him and the Father, as they were between me and the Father, the communication became more clear, less muddled, more pure, and the Spirit filled him with a greater understanding of those for whom he should pray.
Since then, I have understood that communication as I never have done. When prophets of old have prayed for great miracles — or when they have refrained from providing the proof demanded of them by the ungodly — they have done so because the Spirit prompted them. They didn’t simply act on a set of guidelines they had assimilated. The Spirit told them that for which they should pray. When the Lord promised them that He would grant whatsoever they begged of Him, He did so with the utmost confidence in them because He knew they knew the promptings of the Spirit.
I caught a small glimmer of that, and yesterday as I was reading in Third Nephi, when it says the people heard and testified that the tongue could not convey those things which they saw and heard when Christ prayed to the Father on their behalf, I caught a glimmer smaller still, but surely it leaves me filled with wonder. What must it have been like to witness and experience that pure communication between Christ and our Heavenly Father? Surely Christ wept for joy because of all those He had strived to teach and lead, those people allowed themselves to see what He would have them see. They accepted the great gifts He would give them. How great must have been his joy.
The second thing that happened to me, or that I experienced, was during the Sacrament the following week. I found myself pondering my Savior in the Garden of Gethsemane and wondering whom it must have been who was allowed the great privilege of offering Him succor as He paid that infinite price. An angel came and ministered unto Him, perhaps to mop His brow of the blood and sweat, perhaps to offer water, perhaps to brace Him as He suffered unimaginable pain.
I thought surely that angel must have been corporeal, which made a short list of those taken up into Heaven without tasting death, whose bodies were translated and they retained them still. Perhaps it was Alma or Noah or Elijah or Enoch. Surely they had been translated because they work they yet had to perform required physical bodies, and not until Christ defeated death could resurrection take place.
As I thought on it, I thought of the anguish they themselves suffered in being forced to watch their Christ suffer as He did and themselves unable to share the burden. I thought of them weeping with His agony, and I could not stem my own tears.
Christ is real, my son. His Atonement is real and sure and certain. I believe often times we make it too complicated, perhaps because we cannot believe ourselves worthy of such a price, but it is so simple. It is breathtaking and beautiful. Christ suffered and died for my sins. He forgives me freely. He assures me of His love even as I fail and fail again. He offers me His strength, if I will but lean on His ample arm. His criteria is simple because His work and His glory is to bring us back to Heavenly Father. We but need to come unto Him. His yoke is easy and His burden is light. Rejoice. Surely, we must rejoice. We must shout hosannas to the most high God. These things are true, of this I testify in His name.
As part of that experience, I cannot recall the sequence, I had my Book of Mormon open to Third Nephi and was reading of the calamities to befall those in the Americas at the time of His crucifixion. Whenever I think about this, visions of volcanoes erupting and earthquakes rending the earth have filled my head, but that day, I comprehended the storm. The hurricane. As I read of the cities swallowed by the sea, I thought of the Mississippi coast devastated by the storm surge. As I read of mountains covering others, I thought of the great mud slides which happen so often in Central America in the wake of such storms, those which cover thousands of homes. When it talks of people carried away by the whirlwind, I think of the infinite videos we have seen. I think of the trees falling before it. I see the lightning that cracks the sky and the thunder which shakes the earth. I experience all this, and then I consider it must have been a ten times worse than anything I have ever experienced firsthand. I still have visions of volcanoes spewing fire to rain down from the heavens and consider the earth roiling beneath their feet, but setting it all in the face of that mighty hurricane makes it even more real for me.
I consider the aftermath, all the survivors struggling to put their lives together again, and images of destroyed families picking through the wreckage of Katrina fill my head, as do the images of a land inexorably altered by the storm. I think of all those Mormons running around with chain saws offering help to whomsoever required it, and I see those people gathered at the temple at Bountiful, perhaps there to restore and rebuild their Father’s house. Surely, Christ would show Himself to just such folk — those who recalled the promises as well as the devastation and who always remembered Him, no matter the circumstances.
Then, I think that you probably have a more profound understanding of that than anyone in our family. Now, as you busy yourself with helping the displaced and homeless from the fires, as you offer your service freely, as you ever have done, another layer of experience and understanding is added to you, and surely strengthens your testimony of Christ’s love and your own purpose. We cannot live His commandments and strive to become more like Him without our testimonies of Him strengthening as well.
I consider all these things, and I marvel. I know Heavenly Father is preparing you. He has a great work in store for you, and that is what all this is all about.
But then, you already knew that, but like I said. I’m the mom. I get to overstate the obvious. It’s one of the perks of the job.
Now, I’ve got to quit because Sister P--- and I are going to catch the nine o’clock session in the morning, and then Ariane is going to catch an afternoon session and then take the kids trick-or-treating. How’s that for a jarring segue?
I love you, darlin’. Never, ever forget it.
Mom
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